Tip 1: Determine what kind of a relationship are you in. There are a lot of options here… Monogamous or not? Long term or just a fling? How is cheating defined? How often are you expected to talk to each other? Are you going to do equal trips or is one person (for some reason) expected to do more of the travelling? Sometimes we just fall into patterns, and that’s fine. But most of the time these things need to be discussed to make sure that you are both on the exact same page. If you are starting to wonder, then it’s probably time to bring it up.
Tip 2: When you do see each other, see them in their day to day lives. I know you don’t want to leave the bedroom :) , but it is really important to use the time you have in your partner’s city to get to know what their life is like. Meet their friends, go to places they go to, participate in activities they do. Try to get an idea of what their life is like when you aren’t there. That way when things come up in conversation you actually know what they are talking about.
Tip 3: Relax. New relationships should be fun and exciting! And long distance relationships are not much different from local relationships (well, except that your first date is an intense three day sleepover…). There will be ups and downs in the beginning – as with every relationship. Enjoy learning about each other, enjoy surprising each other, enjoy the butterflies, enjoy being corny, enjoy seeing where its going. It could be your last new relationship :)
Like all those millions and millions of people above, I too once had to deal with a long distance relationship. The sad truth is no one really bothers to acknowledge the difficulties of keeping up a long distance relationship – people think it’s downright absurd and is bound for a breakup anyway.
You know what I mean if you are involved in such kind of a relationship: your parents, best friends, co-workers or classmates might have told you time and again that it’s never going to work. But that’s not true. In fact, there are a lot of things you can do to keep your long distance relationship fiery and strong.
Facing up to the challenge
Just think of it as a challenge. There’s a certain advantage to being miles away from your loved ones. Couples who got the advantage of meeting up with one another frequently somewhat fail to count their blessings after some time. But in your case, you have every reason to defy distance, to keep the connection alive, and to look forward to seeing each other like it’s the most important thing in the world!
Go on. Maintain the long distance relationship. Prove everybody wrong.
Thanks to the internet, keeping in touch with your sweetheart abroad is not as expensive as other modes of communication in the past. So there’s no reason for you to subscribe to that rubbish “distance makes the heart forget”! You can exchange e-mails, chat and call each other. You may send flying kisses via webcams or flood each other’s social networking site with sweet nothings!
Distance not a setback
Long distance relationships may sound unusual and challenging – but it’s not impossible! If you want to keep the relationship, then no one or nothing should persuade you to do otherwise – not your family and friends, and most especially not the distance.
Distance should not be the basis to end a relationship. Distance should be defied and considered as a test to make the bond stronger. You are not alone. I was once there. Millions and millions of people all around the world find it no problem. They survive it on a daily basis. And so can you!
:♥♥♥There is no long distance about love, it always finds a way to bring hearts together no matter how many miles there are between them:♥♥♥
Making Long Distance Relationships Work
Being in a long distance relationship isn't easy. It requires very strong trust, commitment, guidelines, and communication. Studies show that a majority of people involved in long distance relationships eventually break up. That's why you see so many "experts" proclaiming that long distance relationships are a bad idea and don't work. Yet if you learn to master communication and set the parameters of your relationship, it can work. It's an uphill battle, but it is possible, and many people do eventually become happily married as a result of being in a long distance relationship.
A long distance relationship will be difficult and requires a strong commitment between you and your partner. The following 10 long distance relationship tips will go a long way to help you achieve a lasting love. Here they are:
1) Establish the relationship rules and parameters.In a study of long distance relationships, Dr. Greg Guldner found that 70% of couples in a long distance relationship who did not set rules, or deal with changes, ended up breaking up within six months. This means that it is vital that you and your partner set rules and parameters to guide your long distance relationship. This includes an agreement that you will not date others, that you will communicate daily, and that you'll see each other at least once every 2-3 months in person.
2) Communicate Every Single DayPart of a successful long distance relationship is being able to emulate patterns found in regular relationships. One of these patterns is daily communication. The evolution of the Internet is godsend for people who are in long distance relationships. Not only can you communicate via email and instant messaging for free, but you can also talk to each other through free services like Skype. And that means no more $500 a month phone bills!
3) Express Your FeelingsLearning to express your feelings to your long distance partner in email, IM, and on the phone is important for the growth and stability of your relationship. One of the ways it increases your relationship stability is by providing "reassurance" to the other person about your commitment to him/her. When you express your feelings, you are letting your partner know that you are committed to making the relationship work.
4) Send Care PackagesEvery once in awhile prepare and send your long distance relationship partner a "care package". Here are several things you might consider putting in the package (not all at once, of course; pace yourself and your gifts):
5) Spend Time Together While ApartEven though your partner may live hours away, you can still experience "date nights" with him/her. For example, let's say you are both interested in seeing the latest blockbuster movie. Plan to go at the exact same time (coordinate your time zones) to see the movie then when it is over call each other to discuss it. It's fun knowing that your partner is doing the exact same thing as you at the exact same time. Even though you're apart, you're still sharing a moment "together".
6) Never Make AssumptionsAlways be clear about your relationship with each other. Don't assume that your long-distance partner knows your feelings - share them. Good or bad, be clear about how you feel about the relationship. Assumptions kill many relationships, while clear communication helps relationships succeed. Perhaps Henry Winkler put it best when he said, "assumptions are the termites of relationships." Let your partner clearly know your ambitions, fears, feelings, and desires. This will allow him/her to share something deeper with you as you both work together towards mastering your communication abilities.
7) Trust One AnotherLow self-esteem and a lack of trust can ruin wonderful relationships. For example, a woman I know once met this really nice, thoughtful, and sincere man. She met him via online dating - the first guy she met after spending three years "healing" from her last relationship. Unfortunately, she still carried baggage from the failure of her last relationship. Instead of recognizing this guy as different, she lumped all men into the same boat as her failed relationship. She was distrusting and insecure. In the end, she lost the guy as a result.
It's important not to draw associations between the person you are currently seeing and past failed relationships. Give the person an honest chance. I live by the philosophy that "I will fully trust a person until they give me a reason not to". This philosophy is very important in long distance relationships because if you start to lose trust and become insecure then your relationship will soon be sabotaged... by you.
8) Plan Regular MeetingsMeeting regularly is vital to the success of your long-distance relationship. As discussed in tip #1, it's important to set parameters on things like when you'll meet and how often. And when you settle on a date, it's very important that you make sure nothing interferes with it. When you cancel an in-person meeting ("My friends invited me to the coast that weekend" or "I didn't realize finals were that week") you send a strong message that the relationship is not a priority in your life. You should be canceling other events in order to see your partner. If you're allowing other events to interfere with your get-togethers, then then you might want to reevaluate why you're in a relationship.
9) Share PassionsThe great thing about long-distance relationships is that you tend to get to know your partner much better than if you were physically together. As a result, you learn much more about your partner's likes, dislikes, and passions. Find something your partner is passionate about that you can get involved with. For example, maybe your partner really loves tennis and you've never played tennis. Start taking tennis lessons and discuss it with your partner. Find passions that you both can share and it will invigorate your feelings and appreciation for the relationship.
10) Surprise!You often hear people say, "I love surprises." Surprises are fun because they are unexpected and show how thoughtful/fun a person is. Think of things you can do that will "surprise" your partner. But don't overdue it because then they'll come to expect surprises. Here are a few ideas you may want to consider:
♥♥♥ A classified ad in their local newspaper with a message just for them.
♥♥♥ An unexpected trip to see your partner.
♥♥♥ A video tape recording of you delivering a personal message and showing off some of your "a day in the life of me" events.
» A set of gifts that you give your partner when he/she leaves (after meeting you in person). The number of gifts correspond to the number of weeks until you see each other again. For example, if you will see each other again in eight weeks then you give your partner eight gifts, each one numbered. Every Monday morning he/she gets to open one of the gifts. It builds anticipation and increases your "thoughtfulness" skill in your partner's eyes.
Your long distance relationship can work if you put the time and effort into making it work. As Dr. Phil says, "If you're in love with somebody, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon..."
○♠LONG DISTANCE LOVE STORY♠○
Falling in Love in Paradise
By Elena 8/27/2009
It was a warm, tropical, Wednesday evening in Salvador da Bahia, Brazil; February 18th, 2009. I was on vacation traveling around South America and it was the night before the famous 'carnival' was to begin. I was hanging out with my friend Renato, who I was staying with, his roommate, and a couple of their friends. And while I certainly was enjoying the Brazilian eye candy, I wasn't planning on meeting that someone 'special' on this trip. But apparently fate already had different plans.
So, we were walking down the street, looking for a fun spot to stop, listen to live music, and dance (you can find music and dancing all over the place, in the streets, this time of year in Salvador). Suddenly, Renato's roommate spotted an old friend of his walking along by himself. They greeted each other, and his friend decided to tag along with our group.
The moment I saw him, I had to keep my jaw from dropping. He was so handsome! He had a brilliant smile that practically lit up the street at dusk (or at least in my imagination it did!). Even his eyes smiled. He was just a bit taller than me, and had beautiful milk-chocolaty brown skin, and a perfect little nose. And of course, being the coward that I am when it comes to guys, there was no way I was going to approach him and introduce myself.
Luckily for me, after our group walked for a little while and stopped to buy drinks, he approached me. He introduced himself and asked about me. I was shy, trying to explain in my broken Portuguese (or more like fluent Spanish trying to throw in any Portuguese I knew!) who I was and what I was doing there. But he didn't laugh at my silly mistakes or move on to talk to someone else when it took me several minutes to make simple things understood. He was patient, and sweet, and really made an effort to talk to me. We ended up laughing about our miscommunications and somehow still understanding each other perfectly. Then, we ended up in different conversations with different people as we walk along the road that hugged the coast and watched the waves roll in. But even while I was talking to other people, I'd find myself occasionally searching for him.
Eventually, we all found a big crowd of people listening to a live performance of a woman singing samba and other Brazilian music. So, of course we stopped and started dancing and singing just like everyone else! The atmosphere was buzzing with happiness and positivity. And he was nice, but I didn't think I had a chance. I mean, there were gorgeous, half-naked Brazilian girls dancing all around us. Why would he choose me? He was standing a few feet away near some of our other friends, and as I danced I would occasionally look at him, wishing he'd come dance with me. Once in a while our eyes would lock and I would quickly, awkwardly look away.
Finally, he came over to me. Inside, I panicked. I got what I wished for, now what? But I just kept dancing, and he started dancing with me, charming me with his sweet smile and quick feet. After dancing together for some time, exchanging shy smiles and occasionally trying to talk over the loud music, he asked me if he could kiss me. I replied with something like, "No, I hardly even know you!" to which he replied by wittily attempting to give me his entire life story in two minutes. He rambled on in Portuguese and I struggled to keep up, but the whole time that smile of his and the gleam of his eye was luring me in! And at the end of him filling me in he said "there, now you know who I am!" Of course, he was half-joking, but it was quite charming. I have no idea how much time passed, but we danced the night away, and eventually I did give in to a kiss. And that was definitely the right choice because oh was it wonderful!
Once the music died down, we all decided to go to the beach and Isaque, as I had learned was his name, and I continued to talk and learn about each other. At the end of the night (or should I say the beginning of the morning, since it was almost dawn!) he drove me back "home." When he asked if when he would see me again, my heart skipped a beat from excitement. We decided to meet the next day on the beach at two o'clock.
What seemed like a logical plan at 6am turned out to be a pretty bad one. You see, we obviously needed to sleep, and me and the friends I was staying with didn't even wake up until two o'clock. So by the time we got ourselves together and got to the beach, it was already past three. Not to mention this was summer and carnival and the beach was packed. I looked around as we walked trying to find a spot to sit, but there were people everywhere. How was I ever going to find him? Eventually I gave up and sat down. As I went for a swim, I kept an eye out for him, but had no luck. Then I laid out working on me tan, but still hoping I'd see him pass by, but nothing. Sad that I'd probably ever see Isaque again, I laid down for a nap.
Sometime later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes, and sure enough, it was him! In my blurry-eyed, discombobulated, just-woke-up state, I somehow asked him "how did you find me?" He just smiled and said he had walked up and down the beach a few times until he spotted me! I think I was in a state of shock. He had cared enough to search for me among the throngs of people! We talked and swam, until it started raining. Then we ran into an ice cream shop, leaving my friends behind. Well, we spent my last four days together seeing the city and just having a wonderful time.
He made me laugh, he made sure I knew how beautiful I was, he was sincere, he was sweet, he took care of me, he made me feel safe, he was passionate, he was so intelligent, and most of all, he made me happy.
But then I had to leave. It was the saddest moment of my trip. Tears were streaming down both of our faces, and we were stuck in an embrace that we didn't want to end. I was feeling hopeless, thinking that this could never possibly work. But after I left Brazil, he was all I could think about. We stayed in touch, and he convinced me that what we had was too special to give up. So here we are, six months later, going strong as a couple after I went back for a three-week visit recently!
The Longer the Waiting
By Ashley 8/3/2009
We met on a site for teens who needed help with whatever day to day things got in the way and such.
This site had a chat room and I logged into the chat and he was there. We talked about the nothings of the day and the nothings of life along with other members. We would talk occasionally; no big deal. But one day I signed on and I was not doing so well. He started talking to me and we exchanged MSN addresses for more privacy. That day he literally saved my life.
From then on we talked a bit more frequently, on the chat room and MSN. I started to develop feelings for him even though he was hundreds of miles away. He was the first person online that I had feelings for. It was strange. The way he was, it only seemed that he had feelings for me as well.
But one day he was said, "Sorry if you have gotten the wrong impression, but I don't like you like that, you didn't like me like that did you?" My response: "No, of course not.
Needless to say, I was crushed. From then on out we continued to talk occasionally, but not as much. Sometimes we would go a few weeks without talking, sometimes a few months, then we would talk for weeks at a time, then stop talking. It was "binge" talking.
Each time I would fall more and more for this boy. I couldn't understand why.
Then one time we started talking again, about a year later. I finally told him that I did like him, that I liked him a lot. He told me did too. I then asked him why he lied to me, and he said he was just scared. We talked for a while and nothing happened. Then we stopped talking again.
After that, we left each other the occasional MySpace comments and such but nothing serious. We always seemed to be dating someone; either at the same time or whatever. No big deal, we were just friends, but every time he informed me he had a girlfriend my heart seemed to drop.
I learned that he had joined the army and he was on base in the states still. No biggie, we were just friends and such; he had a girlfriend anyways. But needless to say, we talked about our feelings for each other. How we wanted to try things out and how we wanted to meet. It was the first time we talked on the phone that weekend. We had a late night phone conversation while my best friend slept in my room. He called a few nights for a couple of days. All the while I knew he had a girlfriend, but I felt so happy, that he was showing these signs and saying he wanted to be with me.
He said he was going to break up with her, my heart exploded with joy. He did in fact break up with her. But nothing officially happened with us. Then he told me sorry he just couldn't do that to her, he was sorry to get my hopes up and all that. He got back together with her and I was devastated. But I sat back and didn't say a word.
There had never been a day just about since I met him that I didn't think about him. Even when we weren't talking not even the last time he hurt me.
About four months of not speaking to him, I thought about him more frequently. I was thinking about sending him a MySpace message just to see how he was. I knew from the last time we talked, he would be going over seas in a few months and I knew it must have been close. But something was stopping me. But then one day I signed on and behold there was a message from Doug. My heart started beating a mile a minute.
It just asked me how I was doing and that he had been trying to get in touch with me. But I hadn't been on MSN in a while.
Anyways we had talked frequently again, and then we talked again on the phone. He was getting sent over seas in just three weeks. When we talked on the phone, he would read love quotes to me. I just started falling for him even more, but we still were not dating.
I asked him where he was getting the quotes from, he told me that was something only he could tell his girlfriend. I said what a shame, that we would have to find him one.
He then said, "Will you be my girlfriend, Ashley?" And of course I said yes.
We have been officially together since June 18th. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him more. He has been in Afghanistan since July 11th. It was hard to go from talking to him everyday for three and half weeks to talking to him on the phone only three times since the 11th. We MySpace when he gets the chance, but not that often. It's been about a week since I heard his voice. I know it's only just the start of my military girlfriend status but I know I will be strong. It's hard though, but we will make it. We have a song. We have had it for the majority of the time we have known each other, even while we just friends. It is "The Longer the Waiting" by Josh Turner. I listen to it every day, because I know the longer the waiting, the sweeter this kiss.
He will be coming here to meet me for the first time on his leave. I am nervous and excited. I am not your typical girl and I am afraid because of that.
There isn't a day that I don't send him a message telling him that I love him. I love him more every day. I know its going to get harder but at the same time easier because I know when he is out we will make plans for each other to be together so we aren't long distance. I'm finally able to call him mine, and I will pay whatever price for that, even if it means he is overseas. He feels the same way. We don't talk everyday but when we do, I cherish those moments with all my heart. There isn't a night that I don't sleep with my build a bear that I made to remind me of him. It's a patriotic themed bear with army camo boxers.
I know we will make it through all this and be together until we run our course no matter how long that course might be.
Because I know my love for him is Army Strong.
By Ana 6/29/2009
Two years ago, I joined this art community on the internet. I quickly found the chatrooms and joined one of popular chatrooms at the time. Little I knew, it led me to someone very important in my life nowadays. At that time, I had a different boyfriend, which I met over the internet as well, but was from the same place as me.
In that chatroom, I met various people including a guy who I studied with. And in that group of people I met the guy who I love the most today. At the time, we were only friends, and I used to call him dad for some reason. Since then we've became greatest friends and all, but we didn't have many conversations with each other.
Suddenly, and out of nowhere, my relationship with the previous boyfriend ended. I was crushed and that led me to someone who wanted my relationship to end since we first talked. The next day I met that person and he kissed me, but I wasn't quiet feeling it happen. His dreams weren't the same as mine. He was stubborn and times he was always busy or away for me. I'd like to note it was my first LDR experience and it was a painful first experience. Still, it lasted 1 month and a half, until I couldn't take any longer. I got depressed, I was always crying for him and he didn't even care if I cried or not.
In that time, I started talking to Neo again. He was there to help me in the process of breaking up with him. When I broke up with him, I was depressed, I thought I couldn't trust anyone else and I was afraid of loving anyone, simply because I didn't want to get hurt. Days after, I met Neo IRL and he was everything I expected him to be and a lot more. It was incredible, he made me feel so much better, made me feel special and I could see my depressive state going away. We kissed on the first date, but this kiss had been so... special. It scarred me deeply inside, it made me fly, it made me dream... It made me believe in love yet again.
I knew that it was going to be like my last relationship but I also knew that Neo was a different guy, not that uncaring or even cold and stubborn. I'm happy I found the right one for me.
LDR's might be hard for both sides but with strength and patience, they work, of course they do! Neo and I are sorting things out so he can come and live here, and then I can join him, and have our future sorted out just like we wanted!
I don't wanna lose him ever! I wanna be with him forever and ever!
I love you Neo!